The Slings and Arrows of a Cow's Outrageous Misfortune.

I can still remember the first time I entered the stoic grey stone halls of my alma mater as a fresh faced law student. It was just as I pictured. The sounds of Vivaldi played in my head as I set upon the hallowed path to a life of law practice. I was in good company. Twenty five founding fathers who signed the Declaration of Independence were lawyers. Thirty two framers of our United States Constitution were lawyers. I would be entering a noble profession on the shoulders of giants. Perhaps, I would someday argue before the Supreme Court. Would I be at the forefront of a landmark decision that would change the lives of Americans?

Well, that Supreme Court caliber case hasn't crossed my desk. Choosing private law practice, I soon discovered I wasn't traversing down the fabled steps of the Supreme Court quite just yet. Instead, I found myself in a humid courtroom defending a client on a minor misdemeanor charge. Waiting for my case to be called, I listened to the lulling click clack of an old fan as we patiently waited for the judge. Fidgeting in my seat, I hoped the lawyer sitting uncomfortably close to me would get the hint to scooch over a bit. The smell of his Axe body spray was starting to make my eyes water.

Pro Tip: If your lawyer smells like Axe Body Spray, you're probably going to jail.

So what landmark crime did my client commit? He stole a full size salmon and tried to make a break for it with the fish hidden in his pants. (I don't know if you've ever attempted to run with a fish in your pants, but apparently it can make it difficult to escape).

The case of the stolen salmon wasn't the weirdest matter I have encountered in my career. I once defended an 87 year old woman who may or may not have stolen 16 porn DVDs. She said her husband was boring and she wanted to spice up her life. I've done divorces where battling couples fought over items like deer antlers, broken screen doors, unicorn paintings and cat visitation. I once had an immigration client proudly declare he was a terrorist. He came to the country on a tourist visa and confused the word "tourist" with "terrorist." I've had clients caught trying to beat drug tests with an item called the Wizinator (Oh, just Google it). I've had real estate closings sour because a fortune teller told my client her prospective home was haunted. I thought I had many lawyers beat. Whoever is getting this next case will be a worthy challenger.

Here in the Nutmeg State, a man by the name of Badr Musaed was arrested on animal cruelty charges following a rather disturbing incident right out of a quirky Quentin Tarantino film. Apparently, a cow escaped from a facility called Saba Live Poultry in Bloomfield, Connecticut. Are you with me so far? Robbing the cow of his Shawshank moment, Badr chased the Houdini hoofer into a Home Depot parking lot. He was joined by a contractor who happened to be in the area. Naturally, the contractor was armed with a bow & arrow to hunt the cow. Still with me? Moo-ving on.

Apparently, the contractor had the shooting skills of a Storm Trooper. He shot an arrow at the cow and missed. To be fair, he did manage to hit the Home Depot. His wayward arrow stuck into the wall. ( I imagine that Home Depot sign will look nice hanging over his mantle fireplace).

This is where it gets ugly. According to the police report, Mr. Musaed then allegedly (as we lawyers like to say) pulled out a foot long knife and cut the cow's throat. In a Home Depot parking lot. After a man shooting an arrow missed the cow......... In a Home Depot parking lot.

Did I mention this all occurred in a Home Depot parking lot. As you can imagine, the shocking display in front of a child did not go over well. Did I forget to mention this happened in front of a kid? And a police officer? In a Home Depot Parking lot? Anyway. Still with me? I don't want to milk this but let's keep moo-vin on.

As you can imagine, the community was outraged over the horrific act. A vigil of about 50 people was held for the cow in the following days. They named the calf "Courage" A man pretending to be a protester pulled out a hamburger and a megaphone and began mocking the vigil goers. Because, of course he did.

Now, I don't want to make light of a serious incident. Animal cruelty is absolutely reprehensible and a serious crime. The defendant has been charged with cruelty to animals and a bond was set at $10,000 (In Connecticut, Cruelty to Animals is a Class A Misdemeanor that can carry up to a year in jail). Saba Poultry is not off the hook either. An investigation by Connecticut's Agriculture Department found fat, feathers and filth on processing tables, a lack of hot water, problems with proper sanitation, unclean surfaces and a band saw chunked up with bones and fat. They have been shut down until they can fix their problems.

Imagine being the lawyer who has to explain this incident to a prosecutor. He or she will be making that argument on August 23rd in Hartford Community Court.

Camelot Deferred. The 20th Anniversary of the Death of John F. Kennedy Jr.

In the 1960s, both my parents came to the United States as immigrants from Poland. America represented the promise of a bright future and new beginnings. It was a hope personified by the young family occupying the White House. President John F. Kennedy inspired Americans to achieve new heights and to give back to their communities. To respect their fellow man. To go to the moon. Camelot was real and you could find it at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

In 1963, an assassin's bullet regulated Camelot back to the pages of a fairy-tale book.

The nation mourned the loss of the young president. Ask anyone who lived in that era and they will tell you exactly where they were when they heard the news. My mother was among those who mourned the president. She had even purchased a small figurine of a young"John John" saluting his father's funeral procession. An iconic moment in time frozen in porcelain for eternity. It stood in my room throughout my childhood.

For many, John F. Kennedy Jr. was promise personified. A symbol of hope to return to the days of Camelot. John was the first child born to a president elect of the United States. Would he follow in his father's footsteps? Many had pinned their hopes of presidential aspirations on his shoulders . On July 16th, 1999, those hopes were dashed. This year marks the 20th anniversary of the day John's plane crashed off the shores of Martha's Vineyard. He was only 38. This July 16th also marks the 50th anniversary of another important day in the history of Camelot. It was the day Apollo 11 launched from Cape Kennedy to fulfill JFK's promise that we would go to the moon.

The author with Robert F. Kennedy Jr.

I remember the summer of '99 vividly. Just a few years out of college, I was working in a bar with dreams of becoming a lawyer. A college friend had mentioned that the Environmental Litigation Clinic at Pace Law School was looking for an additional assistant for directors Karl Coplan and Robert F. Kennedy Jr. If I landed the job, I could get half my law school tuition covered. Luck was on my side.

My very first week of work, I was thrust into a world I was not prepared for. Conspiracy nuts would call the office with wild theories about how certain Kennedy family members died. Movie stars called to rub elbows with the famous political dynasty. On my first day of work, I answered the phone with Harrison Ford on the other end asking for "Bobby". I should preface this by stating that I never thought in a million years I would have the opportunity to speak to Han Solo. In my defense, I will also add that the next town over was Harrison, New York. For whatever strange reason, when I heard "Harrison Ford", my first inclination was that I was speaking with a salesman from a Ford dealership in Harrison. Thinking it was an unsolicited sales call, I rushed him off the phone. In other words, I hung up on him. I hung up on Indiana Jones. The next call was just as shocking. It was John F. Kennedy Jr. calling to speak with his cousin Bobby. "I'm sorry Mr. Kennedy, Bobby is in the middle of teaching a class"

"Call me John", he remarked. "Are you a student of his?" he queried. I told him of my plans to go to law school and how thrilled I was to be working for his cousin. "Just getting my feet wet. I may have accidentally hung up on Harrison Ford" He chuckled and wished me luck. I was surprised at how down to earth and personable he was to me. I told some friends that I had a conversation with "John, John" The girls swooned. "I'm just as good looking" I groused. My friend responded by paraphrasing Senator Lloyd Bentsen's quip to Dan Quayle in the 1988 Vice Presidential debates. "Adrian, I've seen John F. Kennedy Jr. You're no John F. Kennedy Jr."

That Friday John's plane would go missing. The phone at the office was ringing off the hook. I took messages from various media outlets, politicians, well wishers and conspiracy nuts. I remember taking a call from Jim Belushi and telling him the plane was missing. Everyone seemed to feel a connection to the tragedy. The students in the environmental clinic walked around in shock. Three days later the Coast Guard announced they found the missing fragments of the plane.

On the morning of July 22, family members attended a memorial service on the Navy Destroyer the USS Briscoe. The ashes of John were scattered at sea. The tragic accident also took the life of his wife Caroline and his sister in law Lauren Bessette. I spent that morning answering a slew of phone calls. I remember one particularly revolting call from a gossip rag. I was offered a few hundred dollars for RFK Jr's personal cell phone number. They wanted to call him for an exclusive scoop at the funeral. For a student, the money would have been pretty helpful. I hung up on the caller in disgust.

It's been 20 years since my peek into Camelot. I did pursue a legal career and began practicing law in Connecticut. That little figurine of JFK Jr. my mother bought so many years ago stands on my desk. It is a reminder for me to give back to the community. To shoot for the moon.

In 2019, the country has never been so divided. Political rhetoric on social media has friends and relatives at each other's throats. It has become our new norm. The country is hurting. I can only imagine where we would be if JFK Jr. would be alive today. Would he have eventually run for president?

These days, we could use a return to Camelot. Rest easy, John.

The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades

The Nutmeg Lawyer Review of Bose Audio Frames

Growing up on a steady hodgepodge of James Bond movies, Inspector Gadget cartoons and Batman comics, I developed a lifelong love of gizmos. Although I still await the glorious day that I will be able to shoot cuff-link tranquilizer darts at some cantankerous opposing counsel, I have been able to make some great progress incorporating modern tech into my daily law practice.

Bose Frames Audio Sunglasses

While most of my purchases have been helpful, some have admittedly proven to be short lived novelties doomed to the dark recesses of a kitchen drawer or dusty closet. Despite the occasional miss, I have found that modern technology makes it easier for me to compete with larger firms with significantly more resources at their disposal. While some of my purchases are more for fun, I did manage to find some practical work use out of my latest toy.

Due to budget cuts, our photo of Spiderman has been replaced with a man holding a spider.

I've been told that one should not stick anything larger in their ear than their elbow. With that in mind, I began looking for an alternative to the uncomfortable buds I normally jammed into my ears whenever I wanted to listen to music, an audiobook or a phone call.

Inspiration hit me at the movie theater. In the film Spiderman, Far From Home, Peter Parker receives a nifty pair of high tech sunglasses from Tony Stark. Spiderman's new shades feature a built in artificial intelligence system called E.D.I.T.H. which responds to Peter's questions and even let's him order a drone strike. (What I wouldn't give for the ability to call in a drone strike) If only something like this existed in real life. Why couldn't I have something like that? Thankfully, I stumbled across an alternative. I discovered a pair of innovative sunglasses made by Bose. While they might not help me save the world, they did have lots of fun features.

What better time to test a pair of sunglasses than summer? What better place to test my new found freedom from headphones than the streets of Boston on Independence Day? So I put on my finest tri-corner hat (due for a fashion comeback), donned my new Bose Frames and drove up to the home of the American Revolution.

If you are not familiar with Bose Frames, they are sunglasses with open ear, built in bluetooth enabled micro-speakers. When connected to your phone, you can answer calls, listen to music, podcasts, GPS directions, audiobooks or even utilize Alexa, Siri or Google Assistant. The sunglasses are offered in two styles "Alto" and "Rondo." I went for the Alto frames as they resembled the Wayfarer style made popular in movies like Risky Business. (As a child of the 80s, most of my eyewear purchases are based on Tom Cruise movies. You'll probably see me wearing a monocle if he wears one in the next Mission Impossible)

On the drive up from Connecticut, I immediately saw the benefit of the Bose Frames. I use the "Waze" GPS app on my phone to guide me through life and to save me from speeding tickets. My audio sunglasses began warning me that "police were reported ahead." Not today coppers. As I continued my drive, I wanted to listen to an audiobook but didn't want to disturb my wife. She had no idea, I had it playing on my sunglasses. When a call came in from a client, I didn't have to pick up my phone to take the call. I didn't have to broadcast the private conversation on the car's speakers. The caller could hear me very clearly through the mic in the audio sunglasses.

I tapped the gold button on my frames. "What is the number to People's Bank?" "What is the address for Quincy Market in Boston" "What is 99 degrees Fahrenheit in Celsius?" "Where can I buy an air-conditioner near me?" The answers came in loud and clear on the micro-speakers.

Now came the real test. We headed down to the historic marketplace at Boston's Faneuil Hall. The area was teeming with tourists that were there for the July 4th festivities. I turned up the Dropkick Murphys "Shipping Up to Boston" and began strutting around like I was Jack Nicholson in the Departed. Here, I discovered a drawback of using the frames. I had nothing in my ear to suggest I was listening to something. I imagine I must have looked a little crazy bopping to music that no one else could hear.

Despite the scores of tourists, street performers and the Boston city traffic, I was able to listen to music and phone calls with no problem. Callers reported that they could hear me just fine. For observers, it probably looked like I was just talking to myself. I started trying to get creative with the glasses. I clicked a small golden button on the frames and asked "Where is the closest train station in Polish." The answer came in clear over the small micro speakers.

Even with Boston's "More than a Feeling" playing in my ear, I could hear crosswalk warnings, honking cars and was able to avoid getting run over by one of the city's infamous Duck Tours

Walking the streets of Boston, I found not having anything in my ear to be pretty advantageous. Even with Boston's "More than a Feeling" playing in my ear, I could hear crosswalk warnings, honking cars and was able to avoid getting run over by one of the city's infamous Duck Tours. Using the walking mode on my phone's GPS app, directions were given to me with voice prompts over the sunglasses speakers.

We decided to relax in one of Boston's many great parks. For me, relaxing meant catching up on work. I answered some work calls. If the caller was in my contact list, the audio prompt on the sunglasses would announce their name. If the contact was not listed, the number would be announced. If I wanted to make a call, I had to use the phone to dial, but the call connected through the glasses.

Our firm uses Clio for our cloud based office management software. My Clio work calendar is synced with my Google Calendar. Using the sunglasses and the Google Assistant on my phone, I was able to schedule appointments onto my Clio work calendar. (I was also able to check and make appointments on my calendar using the Alexa app on my phone).

Taking a break from our stroll, my wife and I sat on a park bench under an majestic oak tree to watch the swans swim by on a beautiful summer day. I took the opportunity of the romantic moment to listen to a podcast on personal injury law on my new sunglasses. Who says romance is dead?

Next, we headed over to Newbury Street to grab some food at the neighborhood's many great outdoor cafes. Our friend's daughter wanted to play a video game on her phone.  I lent her my sunglasses so she could enjoy her game with the sound on without disturbing everyone else. I was also able to test the range of the sunglasses.  I crossed the street leaving my phone on the table. The sunglasses still worked despite my being across the street several yards away. According to Bose, the bluetooth range is about 30 feet.

Perhaps not a must have item, but I really enjoyed using these sunglasses. The Bose sunglasses didn't feel much heavier than the Ray Bans I usually wore and the sound exceeded my expectations. Being able to listen to music and answer calls as I walked around the city was a bonus. I enjoyed not having to pull out my phone or have to stick an earbud in my ear. According to Bose, they block up to 99 percent of UVA/UVB rays.

When I wear them outside in the hustle and bustle of life, no one can hear my music although it sounds loud to me. Strolling in a quiet park, my wife could hear some sound coming from my sunglasses, but not enough to identify the song I had playing. The cons? At around $200, they can be a bit pricey. If you wear glasses, they don't come with a prescription lens version. (If you need them, you can accomplish this by going through GlassesUSA.com) The frames are rated for up to 3.5 hours of audio playback and 12 hours of standby. You can get a full charge in about 2 hours. If you want to turn them off, you just have to place them upside down. The sunglasses come with a hard shell case and a proprietary charger.

(Ray Ban Wayfarers on left. Bose Alto Audio Frames on right.)

So the final verdict? The Bose Frames are a pretty cool product. To paraphrase Ferris Beuller, they are pretty choice. If you have the means, I highly recommend picking a pair up.